I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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