I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i would one night stand the shit outta him
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
