fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
the day after is always just damage control
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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