You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
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I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
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So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked