I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
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No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.