i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I can't turn off my feet"
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
