Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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