Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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