The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
try to milk me bitch
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