I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
There r osticjed everywhere
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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