Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
