It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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