If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
