Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
