Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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