i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Randomize
