In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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