Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I am puke
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
