actually, I'm a sock model
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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