He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
did you just send me my own nude
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
