went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
