So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
