Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
