I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
