hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
