i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
