Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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