You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
