; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
