omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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