he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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