i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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