The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
