I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
