Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
