It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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