Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
