i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
