You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
