bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
