I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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