I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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