hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
