She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
