you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
