I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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