I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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