fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
