dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
