Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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