is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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