If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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