what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
