JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Randomize
