is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
