i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
