when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
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