i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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