You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
