I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
