Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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