YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
