I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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