what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
