My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
