fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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