I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
