I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
