Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
