Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
