Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
