i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
