So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
