Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
